Goodwood

Goodwood

Friday, 9 September 2011

This is my First Campaigner Challenge:

Challenge set by @RachaelHarrie

Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “The door swung open” These four words will be included in the word count. If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), use the same beginning words and end with the words: "the door swung shut." (also included in the word count)

For those who want an even greater challenge, make your story 200 words EXACTLY!



And finally the door closed:

The door swung open. I see his body, scrawny, ravaged by illness and I note that for him, my dear husband, time has run out. I take his hand in mine, it’s freezing. And I decide I’ll stay a while. But I save my tears for later, when I’ll be alone.

‘Go my love, safe passage.’ I kiss him lightly on his forehead, its coolness surprises my lips. ‘Don’t worry about me.’

He speaks softly, ‘Aloysius says it’s not my turn, not yet.'

I smile. ‘Who’s Aloysius, my love?’

‘Can’t you see my angel, holding me? He’s at the foot of my bed.'

We’re alone, I look and check, to confirm there is no one there.

‘I feel so cold.’

I hum his favourite tune, his middle finger taps the beat.

‘Could we dance to the end?’ My lover asks.

‘Of course darling, we’ve danced all these years together, we can have one last
dance before you depart.’

In my mind we’re waltzing across the dance floor, a young couple, in love.

I sit down, wait for him to pass from this world. I kiss him goodbye. Our life is complete. As his end drew near the door swung shut.

16 comments:

  1. How sad...I felt her pain. Good writing.

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  2. I wanted to cry! Great entry. Will definitely "like" on the linky list. You pack in so much emotion, and I loved the angel touch!

    I'm a new follower! My entry is #346. Good luck during the campaign!

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  3. so sad but beautifully done. Mine is #72

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  4. Very sad, but very real.

    Would like to invite you to The Rule of Three Blogfest ---a month-long shared-world fiction extravaganza in October with some great prizes, and of course, a lot of exposure for your writing.

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  5. This one really tugged at the heart. It's one of the hardest things in the world to watch a loved one die. Great job.

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  6. You have done a really nice job of capturing the tenderness and love in a tragic moment.

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  7. Really well written. Getting a vote from me.

    Stobby

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  8. Very sad, but poignant. Well written.

    Mine is #291: http://thewarriormuse.blogspot.com/2011/09/first-campaign-challenge-flash-fiction.html

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  9. I really like your idea of an old couple waltzing in their minds. Beautiful scene you created here.

    Great job, Kay! :)

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  10. Oh my word, this about killed me! My heart is crying! Fantastic writing, Kay! Love the characters, love the rich, raw emotion.

    Thanks for finding me on Twitter. I'm a fellow campaigner too. It's so great to meet you! I love how you say, I love life! I do too! Marvelous!

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  11. "But I save my tears for later, when I'm alone" - wow. I love how they "dance." Also thought it was interesting (and well done) how you used present tense.

    Nice to meet you through this Campaign Challenge - I'm a new follower. Also, I really liked your "about me" description. It struck a chord with me (sorry for the cliche!)

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  12. This is lovely (for lack of a better word), it's emotionally and almost mystical. Great writing :)

    I'm #383, http://bit.ly/jiQk8x

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  13. Even such a sad occasion as this, can not interrupt their love. This is a true romance, very well done Kay.

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  14. Nice job! You brought out the emotions quite well, and did the same in this reader.

    Hi from a fellow campaigner, and your newest follower. Again, great piece!

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